Dear Blog: Sorry for being a pretty shit blogger over the last few months. It’s been really good having another break, and it co-incided with a ridiculously busy time at work. I have to learn how to prioritize at some stage I guess! No guarantees for the future, but for now I am happy to be back to having a place to ramble.
Dear Edd: It’s so easy to take you for granted after 10 years of being around each other. So I’m apologizing in advance for each time I do this in the future, and also promising to try harder not to do so. Also we were pretty adorable at school. And I think we’re still pretty adorable now.
Dear Tofu: I’m getting pretty damn good at cooking you in new and delicious ways. Just call me the humble tofu master.
Dear Justin B: I don’t know what has happened and why I keep playing your song on repeat, but it’s more than a little worrying.
Dear Auckland Stardome: You were the perfect venue for a Christmas work function, well perfect for the aspirational space cadets like myself. I plan to be back to soak up all the incredible information but with less alcohol blurring my brain cells. I may bring some children with me. You’ve been warned.
Dear Ugly Christmas Jumper: I need you in my life. Along with every other Christmas related item I come across. (Note – after writing this I then impulse bought two Christmas jumpers for myself plus one for Edd jumpers so, yeah. No self control at Christmas time).
Dear Merlin: I’ve accidentally trained you to expect treats every time you jump on the bed and it’s getting a little out of control. How will I ever have kids if I can’t even manage your own simple expectations :/
Dear Coffee: I went one day without you and it was one day too long. Sorry for even trying.
Dear Contact Centre: I hope none of you have been reading by blog cause that would be a bit awkward, but you guys have been such an amazing place to work, and announcing today that I would be leaving your noisy confines was a pretty sad event. And yet I still can’t shake the incredible excitement I feel for next year. I am so excited. Almost as excited as I am for Christmas. Time for some change!
Dear Self: We’ve done a surprisingly awesome job for getting through a chunk of Winter without any signs of serious sickness, so how about when you do get sick and stay up all night coughing your little wheezy heart out you don’t then be a stupid martyr and try and go into work anyway. There are far too many episodes of The Bachelorette and I’m not sure how we will get through them if we don’t take some time out every now and again.
Dear Milky Chance: Why I waited until now to listen to your full album I have no idea. I have now amended this lack of judgement and can’t stop listening to every song, especially this one.
Dear Turmeric Latte: You were one of those things that sounded weird enough to be awesome. And I’m still a little undecided. Not sure I’m quite cool enough to pull off the yellow teeth and chunks of turmeric but I appreciate the effort. Might just stick with my caffeine.
Dear Friends: How did I get so lucky to be surrounded by such an amazing bunch of people, all over the world. Thanks for letting me be sick/whingey/self-indulgent, I promise to return the favour, whenever.
Dear Auckland Food Show: I’m coming for you and all of your delicious offerings tomorrow so prepare yourself (I’m already choosing my best stretch pants).
Dear Edd: Happy birthday for Sunday. I couldn’t be more glad that you made your way into this world and then crossed my path at just the right time (I can’t believe it’s almost been a decade, what?!). Sorry for always leaving tissues everywhere, I would blame Merlin but we all know that with him the tissues would be shredded.
Dear 90s: You were a cool decade and I’m glad that this weekend I got the chance to remember all the awesome things you were host to (mainly Stargate SG-1 but there were other highlights too). I was pretty impressed I managed to find a mood ring, even if it kept insisting I was angry (I swear I just have a resting frown face!).
Dear Merlin: I forgive you for spending all day outside when I was sick in bed. It’s not like I feed you or anything, and so have some weird sense that maybe I’m entitled to a cuddle every now and again.
Dear Job Interviews: It’s so strange to sit on the other side of the table and I’m so grateful for the chance to learn and grow in this way (even if I do sometimes feel just as nervous as if it was me sitting there trying to hide how terrified I am).
Dear Florence: Thanks for releasing another ridiculously great album for me to belt out in the car. Sorry that my vocal range is 1/100th of yours and therefore your songs don’t even sound a little bit similar when they are coming out of my mouth (well sorrybutnotsorry).
Dear Incredibly Impressive Crocheted Scarf: I am way more proud of you than I should be (sorry to everyone else who I keep raving on to about it). What can I say except I normally screw things up in some way and yet you turned out great (accidently channelling Gryffindor but I’m not complaining). And just in time for some freezing weather, all in all, a pretty good effort.
Dear Friends: I don’t know how I got so lucky and ended up surrounded by so many different people and groups of friends. Even though you keep me busy, you also keep me sane (and very well-fed). I’m so appreciative of the different ways that each and every one of you make me a better person, and make life a more enjoyable place to exist within.
Dear Anah: I miss you and your chubby cheeks so damn much. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face everytime I see your adorable face. Here’s to many more playground dates where I try not to let you hurt yourself or eat dirt (also if your mum ever decides to move to Auckland so that I can see you more often that would be swell, just saying.)
Dear Chocolate: If you could just stop coming out in new and delicious flavours that I have to try (at least a few times to ensure reliability of the product) that would be great because at the moment my cupboard is full of different blocks to try and it’s driving me crazy.
Dear Auckland: Its been a year since I came home from Europe, and in that time I think I have been so preoccupied with missing those far-off cities that I had ignored the one at my front door. Thank you for being so amazing, even if sometimes I forget how lucky I am. I promise to put some more effort into our relationship and into discovering a few more of your hidden secrets.
Dear Self: Sometimes I think its important to just remind you that I forgive you. Everything we did wrong, everything we fucked up, every time we made a wrong decision or turn, hurt someone else without meaning to or hurt ourselves in ways that weren’t deserved. I forgive you for all this, and for all the mistakes we will make in the future. Go have some chocolate.
Dear Merlin: I know this cold weather makes you extra cuddly, I’m just going to go ahead and pretend its because you just love me so darn much that we have to hold hands all night (well, hold paw? I dunno, but it’s cute). Thanks for the snuggles. Thanks for coming home each night. Love you.
Dear Organisation: Welcome back to my world, here’s to a less stressed, more productive life. Going to give bullet journalling a go and see how long it lasts before I lost my notebook/pen/marbles.
Dear Banana Muffins: I forgot how ridiculously easy yet delicious you are. Welcome back into the baking repertoire. You’re welcome flatmates who are blessed with free baking (in return for a stolen/borrowed egg or two).
Dear Family: Even if you stress me out something chronic, my love for each and every one of you is strangely unlimited.
Dear Auckland: I know people joke about how Aucklanders can’t handle the weather. I am here, hands in the air, admitting I am a weather wimp from Auckland who would prefer to wake up to sunshine and warmth. These cold days have been beautiful and still, but rather uncomfortable for someone who is unable to remember items of clothing e.g. jackets/jumpers/scarves.
Dear Italy: I miss you. Oh, how I miss you. Your neighbourhood pizzerias, your little weird cafe/bars with freshly squeezed orange juice, your loud and wonderful people. We’ll be back to wander lost through your streets again one day, until then we will find the best damn pizza in town.
Dear Edd: You’re the short black to my long black (take that how you will). Thank you for being my shoulder where I can cry makeup all over without ruining my own clothes (I kid, I don’t do that on purpose). Sometimes we may stubbornly refuse to be the first person to apologise, but it’s such an indescribable feeling to know that i have you by my side when I find myself struggling. Here’s to many more brunch dates and so much more coffee drunk together in the sunshine (lol in the rain, who am I kidding).
Dear Gym: Somehow you have transformed yourself from a place of torture, to a sanctuary of personal reflection. Every time I get to take an hour our of my day to focus on something completely separate to whatever’s going on in reality it’s like a total (painful and often humiliating) treat. Thanks.
Dear Federal Delicatessen: Your bottomless coffee has my heart, nervous palpitations and all. See you Sunday.
Dear Merlin: I know you love cardboard and boxes and ripping shit up. I love that about you (well, kind of). But 3am is not optimal box shredding time so please save this rather noisy activity for times of the day when I am not trying to sleep and can control my violent urges better (you’ve been very lucky so far…I kid, you’re too cute, do whatever you want).
Dear Weekend: How did you manage to get so busy without me realising. Whoever accepted all of these commitments obviously didn’t take into account the 6 hour period I need for crocheting in bed with The Bachelor playing off a precariously balanced laptop. We’ll make it work.
Dear Junk Free June: I gave it a good try. I promise. It was up until I realised that I can’t physically survive without emergency use of chocolate that our short-lived challenge came to a very delicious end.
Dear Self: Stop apologising when you have nothing to be sorry for. Please try to stop stressing over things that are outside of your control. It’s okay to do things for yourself, set boundaries and to put yourself first. More than that, its necessary every once in a while. Let’s not go over every conversation 10 times because in the end it doesn’t make it any easier, let go, move on and who cares if other people do the same.
Dear Edd: Thank you for turning a shitty week on its head. You know the way to my heart; beer, burgers, chocolate and 90s dino movies. I knew we married for a reason. Thanks for being there when my ridiculously insecure and crazy mind runs havoc.
Dear Merlin: I know it’s probably just cause your freezing, but I love how cuddly you have been. Thanks for being my purring hot water bottle and for giving me countless play wounds.
Dear Crochet: I’m getting there, but it feels like I am taking the tiniest baby steps possible. I feel like a baby would probably learn how to crochet faster than me. Not giving up, I just may be some time
Dear Florence and the Machine: I have been looking forward to your new album for months. This weekend is going to have one very satisfying soundtrack.
Dear Brother: I still remember when you were just a baby and I felt this instant connection with you and your chubby cheeks. You’ll always be my baby brother, even though you are now far taller than me, and have become such an incredible young man. Love you, no matter what.
Dear Colleagues (who buy me flowers when I break down at work): I don’t know if you realise how special you are.
Dear Orange is the New Black: you are just as amazing as everyone says you are, and I’m struggling to stick to my no-TV bingeing rule.
Dear Muscle Class: being in so much pain has never felt so satisfying as after a Saturday morning class. See you tomorrow at 8am, il be the sweaty, puffy one at the back lifting the smallest weights but making the biggest deal over it.
Dear Self: Your allowed a bad day every once in a while, when you eat some crappy slice full of sugar and then get into bed and refuse to come out. Give yourself a break, take some time out, acknowledge that some days can suck, some things aren’t solved by a silver lining and certain situations are supposed to make you cry. Life isn’t a Pinterest quote 100% of the time.
Dear UK: I miss you and your stony beaches, and your moody skies.
Dear Crochet: Nice to meet you. Welcome to my list of hobbies that I start with the hope that I don’t fail and give up within a couple of months.
Dear Balance: You elusive, difficult thing you. I’m trying to find a way to manage all of the different aspects of my life, whilst also trying to focus on myself more. There’s a lot of trying going on, and its almost working.
Dear Twitter: Thanks for showing me that I’m not the only person who lets social anxiety convince my brain that everyone hates me. Its nice to get reassurance from others, and then set aside my worries in the “not important”pile in my brain.
Dear Bagels: You make life a better place to be. Thanks for having such a great relationship with tomatoes and cream cheese. Together, we can face mornings with a smile!
Dear Merlin: I love how you support my hobbies my trying to eat my crochet work. I love how you support my attempt to be more organised by eating my to-do lists. I also love your possum tail.
Dear Gym: Its nice to be getting back into a routine with you.
Dear Europe: One year ago exactly, my feet has just started wandering through your cities. This year has flown by faster than I could imagine, and yet my memories of the beautiful places and amazing sights Edd and I saw are ingrained into my mind as clear as they day I experienced them. Thank you for enriching my life and teaching me a few lessons along the way. One day, we’ll be back.
Dear Friday: It feels like you were a long time coming but now you’re here and I am so glad. So. Glad.
Dear Madmen: Thank you for being a new show to occupy the late hours of the night. I love your 60s outfits and loathe your outdated attitudes. It was fun. See you for round 2.
Dear Laura: Just a reminder that you are an amazing person with so many possibilities open to you right now. Let your heart lead the way because whatever you do will be fantastic, but you deserve to do what makes you happy. Thank you for being an incredible friend.
Dear Chinoiserie: You do the best darn food and are unfortunately just walking distance away. Dangerous. So, so dangerous.
Dear New Car: I thought there would be a transition period where we got to know each other but you are already the highlight of my day. Is that sad? Probably, but your new car smell and comfortable driving make me happy. Its the little (but still really expensive) things.
Dear Merlin: You grow so big everyday but your still my little baby. Your tail is as fluffy as a possum and your paws are ridiculous. You make me and Edd the happiest fur parents, especially when you keep trying to make friends with the neighbourhood cats who have no time for you. Keep trying, your optimism in the face of such blatant dislike gives me hope in my own social life.
Dear Stressful yet Satisfying Job Interview: Finally an interview that I aced instead of screwing up with nerves. Apparently being too sick to be totally in control of your mind does wonders for coming across as relaxed when you are usually the total opposite. It was nice to see that practice really does help in the world of not crying all over potential employers.
Dear Edd: Congrats on getting your license! Although I have loved being sober driver for a rather long time, I do look forward to now being able to drink as many margaritas as I can handle before you take me home.
Dear Self: I think this week we learnt two really awesome and important lessons, even if there was a bit of pain and unhappiness in getting there. Firstly, no one needs to be involved with high-school dramas. The moment I realised that it was my choice to let immaturity affect me was the moment I was free. Free to be happy and surround myself with the positivity the radiates from so many of the awesome people in my life. Secondly, self-care. Don’t let yourself be second to everything else. When my body decided it had had enough of not being looked after I felt the consequences. In order to be effective in life and productive in what you do, you have to make sure that you are happy and healthy. Lesson learnt, now I am just working on the ways to ensure my relationship with myself can be prioritised.
Dear Self: Happy 24 years on this earth. Hope the next 24 are just as fun and full of love and adventure. Keep making mistakes, keep learning, keep growing. One step in front of the other, we can totally do this.
Dear Come Dine With Me: You make sick days worth dozing through.
Dear Car: You have been with us for around 4 years now and so it came as a bit of a surprise to discover the plethora of problems you have been hiding under your bonnet. Although I could complain about how we had no warning that we would need to fork out all of our dollars and more on a new car, I can instead be positive and think about the fact that this means we get to upgrade!
Dear Parents: Thank you for always answering my calls when I need advice or get into tricky situations. I feel like without you I would just curl up in the foetal position and nothing would ever get done.
Dear Corn Chips: After our Mexican birthday party it seems as though our house has been full of you. Don’t worry though, turns out you make a great meal replacement.
Dear Everyone: All my birthday wishes and birthday presents made my day. Love to you all.
Dear Blood Test: I have spent the last year and a half doing everything I could to procrastinate getting you done. I have a strange sense of achievement now but also a pretty big sense of stupidity as you were no where near as bad as I built you up to be in my head.
Dear Edd: Thanks for holding my hand x
Dear Self: Now is the time to remind you not to volunteer for everything. Sometime’s its good to get a day off. Pat on the back for taking a very stressful week and doing a pretty good job at conquering it, even without adequate sleep.
Dear Dreams: I know you feel a little murky and things are little unsure right now. Rest assured that you are always at the forefront of my mind and with a little careful planning you shall soon become goals which will then become achievements. Just be patient with me.
Dear Creamy Mushrooms: I am one step closer to making you perfect and then I can stop throwing money away for brunch.
Dear Tiny Turtle (Niece): Looking forward to your visit. You grow so fast and your smile is bigger every time I see you. Love to you and your chubby cheeks.
Dear Serial: I may have been the last person to this confusing and emotional journey, but I have finally finished all of your podcasts and have been left suitably in tatters. Just give me a goddam answer already.
Dear Workmates: Please stop jumping ship and leaving me to fend for myself. I need you all to make life more bearable. Along with wine and chocolate, which will never leave me.
Dear Savings: You and me have got some talking to do.
Dear Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Every time I watch you, I love you more and more. Thank you for being such a beautiful movie.
Dear February: You are one very busy month. Take it easy, you are supposed to be the best month of the year, even though you’re the shortest. Bring on birthdays and anniversary’s and other good things.
Dear Angel Olsen: Thanks for creating such beautiful music with lyrics that talk straight to my heart. Like the ones that gave me my title.
Dear Merlin: So it turns out you are a pretty amazing tree climber. Thanks for those moments in the middle of the night where sleep evades me but you are always around for cuddles. Thanks for being such a big boy at the vet. Love you and your giant paws. <3